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Star Wars Episode 3
[Movie Review]

I did not like Star Wars Episode III. It didn't seem like a movie so much as a transition between episodes 1-2 and 4-5-6. It was like they were in a rush to explain why Emperor Palpatine looks different in episode 4 than he does in episode 2. Ditto for Darth Vader. And they had to explain why Luke doesn't know Leia is his sister, and why C3P0 doesn't tell Luke about Vader. I mean, it really feels like they made this movie because they had to; not because it was a good idea to do so.

There isn't much of a plot, so I'm not gonna bother with a plot summary. I'll just go straight into things that bug me. The robots. I mean, what the hell is the point of having stupid guard robots? Why would any army buy loads and loads of stupid robots? And why would robots speak to each other in English? Why would they speak at all? And are robots sentient or not? If they're not, why does C3P0 whine, and why do the robots flee for their lives screaming for help? If they are, then how come it's okay for Jedis to kill unarmed robots?

The whole Jedi thing is another problem. It's like a Westerner's misinterpretation of Zen Buddhism. What exactly is it that they want? Universal peace? Balance of all sides? Maximal universal happiness? Self-enlightment? Nirvanna? They never make it explicitly clear, and their actions do not consistently point in one direction or another. It's almost as if Lucasarts doesn't actually want to get into the details of giving the Jedis a philosophy, but rather would just want to realize their childhood fantasies of "If *I* were a Jedi, here's what *I* would do in this situation." or "A Jedi would do this. Why? Because he's just... that... cool!"

There's lightsaber battles, but really nothing all that spectacular. If you want to see amazing sword fighting, see Hero instead. The computer graphics are look good, but without anything special to draw your eyes, it's just visual background noise.

The audio needs work. The volume is just plain too dynamic. During some scenes, you're straining to hear the Jedis whispering lines to each other, and in the the very next scene, the music blares, for no particular reason (e.g. just 'cause Anakin happens to be flying around in his ship), deafening you. The editors did a bad job with this one.

And while I'm criticizing the editors, what's with all those transitions? You got venetion-blind wipes, clockwise-radial-wipes, counterclockwise-radial-wipes, horizontal wipes, vertical wipes, cube-wipes... It's like watching an amateur power point presentation. "Yo, George, did you check out all these wipes in Microsoft Movie Maker?" "Holy shit! We *GOTTA* put some of that shiznit in the movie!"

After seeing episodes 1 and 2, I went into the movie with low expectations. And the movie was worse than I expected. 3.5/10.

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